In My Skin

So, I wound up hanging out with a friend and his two buddies last night. It started out fun, but I soon realized that I felt incredibly uncomfortable as the night wore on. I don't know if it's because I'm slowly becoming more introverted, or if I just felt out of my element. Regardless, I noticed that I shut off somewhere at the end of the evening... No one probably realized it but me, but it happened just the same.

What's going on here?

It might be me over-thinking once again... I tend to do that - often. The truth is, I feel uncomfortable in my skin again, and I thought I was over this phase.

This reminds me of the analogy of the butterfly... Though it starts off as a caterpillar, it is not destined to be an ugly little bug that eats all day long. There comes a time that it has no choice but to stop, rest and allow nature to happen. And, once it begins its transition, it can never go back to being a caterpillar.

My old pastor called the next stage "glop," (which is technically called chrysalis) but it makes for an interesting point. When a caterpillar hides within its cocoon, there is a point where it is no longer a caterpillar, nor is it a butterfly. It is a bunch of goop that cannot devolve into a caterpillar; it can only finish its transformation. The metamorphosis doesn't happen when the caterpillar wants it to - it must be patient and let nature take its course.

Finally, the day comes where the former caterpillar is ready... It needed to become so uncomfortable in its skin, it had no other choice but to trust in the process, change and grow into its new purpose. Only when its ready, it can handle the new body it has been given, as well as the new responsibilities of flying on its own. It is no longer an ugly little wormy bug - it is a beautiful butterfly.

I think its safe to say I feel like glop.