Missing Him

It's been hard for me to admit this to myself, but I'm going to say it now.

I miss him.

It's been how long? And yet, I think about him every day. Every time he pops up like a daisy in my head, I say a prayer for him. I haven't talked to him in what seems like forever, so I don't even know what's going on in his life. I don't know if he thinks about me, nor do I know if he has forgiven me for hurting him.

Regardless, my prayer is the same - God, I pray that you use this circumstance and time to draw him closer to you... I pray that he becomes the man YOU want him to become and not what he thinks others want him to be. Remind him that he is loved. And precious. And YOURS.

Will I ever get over him? This is still so new to me. You know, this mourning stuff. I seriously don't know what to do about it other than to give it to God. Problem is, I keep grabbing it off the altar and contemplate calling him. Or writing him a letter. Or going back to the church.

I want to ask him the age-old question, "Why?" But then I remember that even God doesn't answer "why" questions, so it's not fair to ask that of him. And besides, would I feel better if he actually answered me? Probably not... I'd most likely have more questions.

Augh. This is such a frustrating process.